This week was freaking long and busy. I lacked sleep almost every day, got my brain all twisted and drained, became nervous and even angry by the end of this five days eternity. I thank God, it's finally over. And there are two days of fun, rest and sleep awaiting for me. I plan on having a great weekend. I'm going to meet my friends, hang out, spend some time outdoors, grab a dinner at some cafe, watch a movie, do some other funny shit. I really hope the forthcoming days will bring me joy and will soothe my body and soul.

BTW, the story with my straight'n'special friend, I came out to recently, has been slowly developing for the past few days. And I have to admit everything is not that bright and fuzzy I'd hoped it to be. But, well, I was ready for that. He seems to be okay communicating with me, but I can clearly feel something is not how it used to be. Definitely. The frankness, the caring attitude, the fun, the warmth, even the stupid phone calls and texts have disappeared. Vanished! For the first day I even thought we didn't even know each other. It was like I talked to a stranger. At least that's how I felt.

And, I gotta say, that's not merely his fault. I've added my two cents to this cold atmosphere. Seeing him being all distant and stuff, I started acting the same. I know it's not right, but I just can't force myself to act as if nothing happened. Especially after receiving such freezing vibes from a guy I always was cheerful and sincere with.

Today was probably the best day of our 'coming back to normal friendship' routine. For a moment I felt that good old warm atmosphere we always had. I dunno if he feels the same. He's always so awkward when it comes to words. I guess, that's because he's straight. :)))))))) Anyways, my other good (and great friend), who knows about my 'coming-out-to-a-straight-friend-issue' told me, that it's normal for a straight guy to be gloomy and non-friendly for quite some time, since it's pretty new to him. And he just needs more time to adjust. I think she (and that great friend of mine is a nice beautiful girl, who is btw married :)) is right. Though she tries to comfort me, I still believe she's right. I hope so.

Reading all this you might've thought I'm in love with that guy. At some point you might be right. I really like him very much, and maybe saying 'I love him' won't be an exaggeration. But the case is that I really treasure him, excluding the sexual part of our relationship. I dunno if you can get me, but there's this kind of friendship, when you actually love somebody, but don't want to fuck that person. I guess, that's my case. Well, you don't have to understand me.

So, I'm not going to throw myself on him. I'm not going to push him. It's just sad to see that my truth made us reinvent our friendship. I mean, WHAT HAS CHANGED? Nothing. For me at least. But still, I feel like we're getting to know each other once again. And what frightens me most is the possibility of not getting back to where we were. And if that happens, I really don't think I would be able to continue being friends with him. It's just NOT RIGHT. Either we are same old friends or we are not. It's as simple as that. I just hope he'll understand that and will finally talk to me...

Apart from that,